Many years now, into the life of a dedicated follower of Christ, I have found myself in a delicate season of constraint. Many different hardships fell upon me back in March of 2010 creating quite the mental and physical challenge. Several things that happened could not be prevented, however, God began revealing to me an unconscious fear I had, which contributed to my new physical and financial demise. To discover this 'blind spot' of mine was very upsetting at first, because I could see clearly how blind I was, and clearly how I never recognized it! It was also upsetting to come to terms with the financial hardship it would place on me for years to come.
While I learned of dire financial situation, a change in a prescription medication ushered in adrenaline pumping anxiety attacks, something I've never experienced and was horrified to go through. A harrowing nightmare for three months. Finally, my system calmed and recovered. Another year passed and by October of 2011 I realized a near panic attack was instigated by a cup of decaff coffee! Even this small amount would send my system on a subway system of no return!
So much of what God's teaching me in the last few years has been about believing and standing on His Word, asserting my authority as a believer but with this, I had to quickly shift gears to learn how to navigate the out of control roller coaster ride of panic attacks, new unknown territory.
While I learned of dire financial situation, a change in a prescription medication ushered in adrenaline pumping anxiety attacks, something I've never experienced and was horrified to go through. A harrowing nightmare for three months. Finally, my system calmed and recovered. Another year passed and by October of 2011 I realized a near panic attack was instigated by a cup of decaff coffee! Even this small amount would send my system on a subway system of no return!
So much of what God's teaching me in the last few years has been about believing and standing on His Word, asserting my authority as a believer but with this, I had to quickly shift gears to learn how to navigate the out of control roller coaster ride of panic attacks, new unknown territory.
Since, March 2010 I felt I had been given this opportunity to change for the better and I am utterly grateful. Sometimes I have felt like a prisoner who must do her time but am compelled to humbly acknowledge God's generous mercy at the same time. His mercies never come to an end! God has reassured me several times that I am not in this place simply because of the mistakes I made. His purposes are being accomplished. I feel His love for me through the love and support of friends and family, and the list goes on. Thank you Father!
Going back to 2003 until 2006, I went through a very hard time, which affected me deeply. It was the most demanding situation physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I had recently divorced and had been out of the work force for thirteen years. I had stayed home to raise my children but was now considered someone who didn't have the proper experience, since computer operation was now the norm. Despite training and after searching for a lengthy amount of time, out of desperation I found myself hired by a giant retailer. The following 3 years were what I call the "Egypt years". I was nothing short of a slave and had no life of my own. The schedule you had to work prevented me from seeing my children for more than a few hours a week. The schedule prevented me from attending church or having any kind of social life. Throughout the ordeal God would not explain it but would keep every door closed that I would knock on (seeking other work) Repeatedly, His answer was "No...remain here". After much physical and emotional suffering , God set me free by bringing the last person I would have ever thought, with a job proposal. It was a near perfect situation for me at the time. It was a glorious miracle, and God gets ALL the credit!!! The following three years were filled with spiritual, emotional and financial blessing and how grateful I was for that reprieve. I grew more spiritually during that time than I had in all the twenty eight years of walking with Jesus. How utterly grateful I am for His saving Hand.
Now, it is a new season, another walk around a familiar desert landscape. I've grown weary of certain aspects of my life, and yet God has shown me how important my compliance is and how He had chosen me to be the person to do this. I am not better than others but He is expecting me to do this, and I want to please Him.
My prayer today is, "Lord, help me learn exactly what I need to learn. Enable me to become the person you want me to be". In His Word He has promised that He will perfect all that concerns me until it is finished and I believe this. It is serious business, it's His business and I am trusting Him.
As the road continues, my daily energies are sharply focusly on self contol and continued submission to the Holy Spirit. He has let 'my thorn' remain. I remain vunerable and am dependant upon Him for everything. I continue to 'look to the hills from where my help comes from". Despite the suffering of this moment, there IS a greater purpose. We have to mentally place ourselves upon a mountain top and imagine ourselves looking down and having an overall perspective to see this as the writer did of 2nd Corinthians 4:17. "For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for 'us' a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 2 Cor. 4:17 NLT
Even though the pain I feel doesn't communicate to me that 'a glory that vastly outweighs them is being produced for 'me'...BY FAITH...I embrace it as the Truth. Just as He embraced me when He came into my life, I embrace the easy AND the difficult.
This is my life. It is hard but I am blessed. Thy will be done, Thy Kingdom come, on earth...as it is in Heaven....
Hallelujah!
